Slices of Life - Tales from Hillwood
by Cre8ivelybankrupt87
Summary: An anthology of Hey Arnold! one-shots that I couldn't fit into any of my other stories. Basically the deleted scenes... but they're kinda fun.
1. What's The G Stand For?

_**Helga certainly isn't shy about her middle initial, even if she never says what it stands for when introducing herself. I imagined she'd never just straight up tell Arnold what it was. She'd make him work for it.**_

* * *

On a typical fall day in Hillwood, a pair of tween kids took a leisurely stroll through the park. Aimlessly wandering nowhere they marveled at the fall colors while chatting of this and that. The boy, Arnold however had a question nagging at him. He had learned many things about Helga G. Pataki over the last few months since the two of them had become something of a couple, and yet one thing about her still peaked his curiosity. The two of them came across a bench and sat down to rest their legs for a while. Helga stared off into space with a dreamily contented look on her face, something quite rare for one normally so feisty.

"Helga?" Arnold asked quietly.

"Yes dear?" she sighed.

"Well, this is gonna seem out of the blue but… there's… there's something I've been wanting to ask you."

Helga snapped her head in his direction and instantly jumped to conclusions as only she knew how to. In her mind her imagination ran wild with passionate and unfounded assumptions.

_Perchance has the day at last come? At last has my most coveted girlhood fantasy that has preyed upon my mind since the day we met arrived? Oh Arnold… ready to at last take the next step on this road of love we tread? I see the question in your eyes before it forms upon your lips, and to you now I say yes! Yes! Yes! I will be Mrs. Arnold Shortman to your Mr. Helga G. Pataki… oh joyous rapture, oh be still my trembling gir-_

"Helga?" Arnold snapped her back to reality.

"Uh… what?" Helga asked in a daze.

"You were doing that thing again, where your eyes glaze over and you just smile inanely…" Arnold said.

"You had a question?" she asked, "Whatever could that be…?"

"Well, I've known you for so long and I've just always been afraid to ask but… but…"

_Oh my gosh… is he? Yes… yes he's going to do it… Arnold is going to ask for my hand in holy matrimony! Oh joyous day! A little earlier than I expected but whatever! Oh blessed moment that I shall cherish from now until the end of-_

"I've just been wondering but, what's the G stand for?"

Helga could swear she heard the sound of a record scratching as her brow furrowed.

"What… did you… say?" she hissed.

"Well, you know my middle name is Phillip, and I don't think you've ever told me what your middle initial stands for…"

"That information comes at a terrible price, short man." she warned.

"Oh come on, if you don't want people to know so badly how come you always refer to yourself as Helga G. Pataki?"

Helga's face sunk and she muttered, "Curse my indiscretion…"

"So…?" Arnold goaded.

Helga figured she'd have to tell him eventually if she ever did attain her dreams of marrying the boy someday. Still, she couldn't just make it easy. She decided she'd go about this as she did with everything in life; needlessly dramatically.

"Alright… how about this? I'll let you guess." Helga said with a smirk.

"Guess?" Arnold asked, "I have to think of every girl name I can think of that starts with a G?"

"There can't be that many…" Helga chided.

Arnold sighed and took his first guess, "Alright… Gertrude?"

"That's your first guess? Your grandma's name?" Helga shouted.

"It was just the first thing that popped into my head… "

"Your instincts never were the best. You might as well have guessed 'grandma.'"

"Okay then, is it… Greta?"

"Uh uh."

"Um, Gretchen? "

"Nope."

"Ginger?"

"Nyet."

"Gretel?"

"Nein."

"Okay, how about… Georgia?"

"Negative."

"Guinevere?"

"I wish. Guess again, King Arthur."

"Glinda?"

"Oh come on, you can do better than that."

"Um, is it Grace?"

"Sure, that would've been nice…"

"So, no? Okay… Gracie?

"That's like… the same name…"

"Gabrielle?"

"Nah."

"Gina?"

"Nope."

"Gwendolyn?"

"Psh."

"Giselle?"

"What?"

"Gail?"

"There are way more G names than I thought there were… and no."

"Gillian?"

"Does that even start with a G? I guess it does, huh."

"Gemma?"

"No… "

Helga was starting to sound bored with her own little game now, but Arnold never knowing when to give up kept on guessing.

"Gladys?" he asked.

"What is this? The 20s?" Helga groaned.

"Glenn?"

"Close… actually no that's not close at all, just uh… the actress Glenn Close… get it? Ha ha…"

"Gloria?"

"NO!" Helga abruptly shouted, "NOT FREAKING GLORIA!"

Arnold recoiled and gasped, "Gah!"

Helga laughed, "Yep. You got it. Gah. Helga Gah Pataki. My parents cared that much."

"Ugh… well, I don't think I can think of any more. Can you just tell me?"

"Nope." Helga crossed her arms, closed her eyes and smiled tauntingly.

"Oh come on, after all that?" Arnold pleaded, "Helga, how bad could it be?"

Amused by his persistent insistence Helga smiled and decided she'd had enough. If she didn't tell him he'd probably keep guessing forever. And knowing Arnold he'd probably never get it right.

"Alright, fine." Helga said cryptically, "Think along the lines of your best buddy…"

"What? What does Gerald have to do with… oh…" Arnold at last started to put the pieces together, "Wait… is it…"

"I don't know. Is it?" Helga said coyly.

"… Geraldine?" Arnold asked as he pointed at her.

Helga said nothing but smiled smugly.

"That's it? Helga Geraldine Pataki?" Arnold asked.

"Yep. It's a mouthful." Helga said, as she gently cupped his chin and smiled in a rather threatening manner. "And are we going to tell that to the world now?" she asked.

"Nope. Now that I know it'll be my little secret with you." Arnold said.

"Very good, darling." Helga said as she raised her fist, "Because as you know, I've come a long way with my anger issues, but Old Betsy here? She still gets angry just like that. I tell her not to but… she's got a mind of her own." She snapped her fingers close to Arnold's face. "Get the picture?"

"Loud and clear, dear." Arnold smiled knowingly. Helga made frequent threats of violence, but he knew her well enough to know they were empty. They didn't stop him from respecting her wishes of course. Helga reaffirmed their true feelings for one another and wrapped her arms around him.

"Obviously my middle name is after Grandpa," Arnold said, "How about yours?"  
"Oh no," Helga said, "That's enough secrets outta me for one day. Gotta save some or we'll be bored with each other before we get… well, never mind."

The End

* * *

_**Fun fact: For those who don't know (I assume you all do if you're writing HA! fanfiction), Helga's middle name was in honor of Geraldine Laybourne, the former president of Nickelodeon. When Craig Bartlett first began developing the series he was apparently concerned Helga might be a little too weird or potentially offensive, but she apparently loved Helga's character so much she told him, "Look, I was Helga at that age." **_


	2. Yo Ernest

_**One of my more random thoughts that turned into a meta little scene. Most important takeaway from "Eugene Goes Bad?" A show called "Yo Ernest" exists in this universe... that feels like it must be a reference to something. Let me know if you know what, because I sure can't figure it out.**_

* * *

Two weeks had passed since Helga and Arnold's disastrous first date. Arnold had everything meticulously planned for a fancy romantic evening, but just about everything had gone wrong. Now he sat on his couch with Helga beside him, both of them just watching TV and devouring the pizza his mom had ordered. Arnold was doing his best to keep Helga distracted from her painful family situation, but the TV seemed to be doing the job for him.

"Well, this is more like it." Arnold said contentedly, "Just you, me, TV and pizza on a Friday night-"

"Shush." Helga waved a hand in his face, "I'm trying to watch. You can whisper sweet nothings in my ear later, yutz. Right now I've got priorities."

She shoved an entire slice of meaty pizza in her mouth and slurped down her Yahoo soda before belching loudly in Arnold's face.

"You sure do know how to treat a lady." she cooed.

Arnold frowned for a moment, but then laughed in spite of himself. The more he got to know Helga and what made her tick, the more he came to appreciate her somewhat acidic and crass sense of humor, knowing she meant well despite appearances.

Just then, the opening theme to the series 'Yo Ernest' commenced, which got Arnold's attention. Ernest, an urban kid with a watermelon-shaped head was roaming the streets at night with his friends, while being stalked by a feisty looking girl.

"Yo Ernest!" the girl on the screen shouted.

"Never really got into this show." Helga said, "You watch it?"

"It's pretty good." Arnold said, "Just kind of a nice little slice of life story, but it has some pretty interesting layers."

The girl on the screen them shouted in Ernest's face, "Outta my way, watermelon head!"

Helga laughed, "Heh, well I think I like her. What's it about?"

"Just the life of a kid and his friends living in the city." Arnold said, "It's pretty relatable really."

"They go on adventures or something?" Helga asked.

"Well, yeah sometimes." Arnold said, "But it's really the character development and their emotional depth that stands out."

Helga ran her fingers through Arnold's blonde tufts of hair and smiled, "You are such a sap…"

"Just give it a chance." Arnold insisted, "There are some pretty moving episodes. This is a good one."

"This is a cartoon we're talking about." Helga scoffed, "Arne't we a little old for that?"

As the show progressed, Helga ate most of the pizza and eventually found herself lying on Arnold's lap in a bloated daze.

On the TV, the character Ernest was addressing his friends, trying to mitigate some disaster, "Come on guys, I'm sure if we just work together we can accomplish most anything."

"You're a daring kid, Ernest. A daring kid." said his friend.

"Thanks, Jared." Ernest said.

"What do you think?" Arnold asked.

"It's okay. Main character's kinda dull." Helga shrugged, "Seriously when he's not just moping he's going around moralizing everyone. Actually, he kinda reminds me of…" she snickered, "…you."

Arnold smiled, "Funny. I was gonna say that Helen kind of reminds me of you."

In that moment, the character Helen began shouting at the titular lead, "Shove off, Ernesto! I hate you with every inch of my body!"

"If you say so, Helen. If you say so." Ernest replied.

Helen suddenly turned towards the screen and began speaking directly at the audience, "Ha. That Ernest. What a rube. What a dingus. What a naive little moron. How I detest him.. and yet… how I worship him. Oh Ernest, my love. Why do I treat you with such undeserved cruelty? If you only knew the bottomless affection I feel for you, dare I say you might love me in return… but that can never be. Were I to reveal my inner feelings, our series would come to an end… yet I cannot resist the warm tingly feeling you bring to my girlhoo-"

Helga abruptly changed the channel.

"Okaaaaay, this is getting weird… what else is on…. ooh, Slam Jam."


	3. Summer Love Goes On

_**So… what was Helga's excuse to Arnold after breaking with the script and giving him "mouth to mouth" for god knows how long? I think it might go something like…**_

* * *

With a bittersweet feeling of mild content, Helga gazed off into the sunset over the ocean horizon. Her weeklong ordeal of a beach vacation had ended in complete triumph, and yet she felt her happiness fleeting as she came off the the enormous high she had been riding. With regard to her grand scheme of achieving her ultimate goal, she felt as if she had only taken one small step. She had at least shown Arnold that she was capable of not only caring for him, but also working well with him. Arnold had proven himself to be something of a sandcastle building savant, and with the aid of her own creativity they had dominated the contest. The icing on the proverbial cake had been the cameo appearances they had won on 'Babe Watch,' in which Arnold got to play a drowning victim and she got to play an absurdly young lifeguard. Her role was only to help the other lifeguards pull Arnold out of the water, but she felt compelled in the moment to go off script and deliver mouth to mouth to Arnold.

The shoot had since wrapped, and she and Arnold had gone their separate ways without really discussing her little improvised bit of acting. Her dad wanted nothing more to leave the beach house early, but owing to his painfully immobilizing sunburn couldn't manage to drive them, and her mother now enjoying herself thoroughly had no intention of leaving just yet. While they went about their business, Helga sat on the edge of a pier, dangling her legs over the edge and admiring the sunset. Reaching into her shirt she pulled out her heart shaped locket bearing a picture of her beloved football head.

"Oh Arnold," she mused, "Mayhap that my deeds hath shown through the haze of cruelty I cloak myself with, as a beacon of light guiding you through the mire to find my true tender heart? For one brief shining moment have I removed my hardened mask, and allowed you to see the cipher hiding beneath? But alack… was I too forward with my unbound affection for you? And now have I driven you away, ironically not by abusing you but by-"

"Helga?" the sudden unwelcome voice of the exact boy she sat pledging her affections for appeared behind her.  
"Gah!" Helga leapt up and struck a fighting stance, "Quit pussyfooting around! You little… pussyfoot…"

"That's a new one." Arnold replied.

"I'm… running out of things to call you…" Helga stumbled, and slowly lowered her guard as she covertly slipped her locket back into her shirt.

"Helga?" Arnold asked again.

"What do you want, Football Head?" she huffed.

"I just saw you sitting on the pier and-"  
"What? Thought I looked lonely? Thought I was sitting here pathetically wishing you were here gracing me with your presence?" she asked.

"Well, no I just thought it was a nice looking sunset and… well I just wanted to hang out with you." he shrugged.

Helga felt shocked, and said, "Really? Uh… well, sure Arnold."

"Thanks." Arnold said, sitting down on the edge of the pier, "I mean… you know, for what you did for me today. I didn't know you were so good at building sandcastles. "

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Football Head." she said, sitting down next to him, with a good wide birth between them.

"I guess not." Arnold chuckled, "I thought you hated me, but you were really a good friend to me today."

"Ah, don't get any funny ideas." she said guardedly, "I still hate you. I just uh… couldn't stand the idea of any girl other than me causing you pain. That's my bit."

"Whatever you say, Helga." Arnold smiled, clearly not convinced, "It sure is a nice sunset, though."

"Eh. It's alright." Helga said.

Internally she admonished herself. Here she was with Arnold, completely alone and miles away from anyone they knew, just after forming a little bond with him earlier, and yet here she still sad being snippy, rude and dismissive of him for no good reason. She normally felt fettered by her fears of being ridiculed were anyone to see that she had a soft spot for much of anyone, and even without their judging eyes to stop her, she still just couldn't say the words she wanted to. As she sat by him, they both looked back and forth between the setting sun and one another. Arnold was the first to break the silence.

"That sandcastle was uh, pretty great huh?" Arnold asked. "I guess we made a pretty good team."

"Yeah, who saw that coming?" Helga said softly.

"Well, you are pretty creative." Arnold complimented, "I guess it just sort of figures you'd be good at that."

"Gee, uh, thanks Arnold." Helga said, rubbing her arm and trying not to blush.

An even longer, and more awkward pause followed Arnold's compliments. Helga couldn't deny it felt good to just hear him say nice things to her, without her having to fire back at him with reflexive rebuttals as she normally did in public. It was also an incredibly alien and uncomfortable feeling however, and she had no idea how to act in this setting. She knew exactly what subject she was hoping to avoid talking about with him, and with any luck he'd be too embarrassed to bring it up too.

Arnold finally spoke, "So, about that-"

"I was acting, Football Head!" "Helga shouted in his face, "Sheesh! It was in the script!"

"Um, pretty sure it was in the script for the other lifeguard to do it…" Arnold corrected.

"Nah… the uh, director told me to go with my instincts and I was just… y'know, in the moment. I mean, what kind of lifeguard wouldn't try to resuscitate a drowning victim? That would just be out of character, and Helga G. Pataki does not act out of character!"

"Uh huh, like the school play last year?" Arnold said with a raised eyebrow.

"What? Oh come on, now THAT was in the script for sure!" Helga shouted, "Bill Shakespeare wrote that one! Certainly wasn't my choice! And if I had been around I'd have told him to cut that bit! And besides, I wasn't _kissing_ you this time, it was just rescue breathing! Doi!"

Arnold frowned and looked at her skeptically. Then with a knowing smirk he said, "I didn't know rescue breathing required so much… tongue."

"Sick!" Helga shouted, "Now you're just imagining things!"

"Am I?" Arnold asked in an unusually strong tone, "What's up with you Helga? You always act like you hate me, and I don't know why. I've never done anything to you."

"Psh, I have my reasons, hair boy." Helga huffed, crossing her arms and turning away.

"I don't think you do." Arnold said, "You always act so mean, but I don't think you really are. Why would you go to so much trouble to help someone you hate?"

"Criminey! What is this?" She cried out, "A witch hunt? What do you want from me?"

"The truth." Arnold said firmly as he placed a hand on her arm, "I know you're not as bad as you pretend to be. In fact, the few times you've done nice things it seems like that's when I'm somehow seeing the real you. It's like you just feel obligated to be all tough and mean when we're at school and you have a reputation to live up to, but that's just the thing, I don't think that's really who you are. I think you just act like that because deep down you're afraid of people being mean to you."

Feeling cornered, Helga looked around desperately for an out but couldn't find one. Looking down at the water she got an idea and made a rash and desperate move.

"I… I… oh…" She rolled her eyes back and fell off the pier into the water bellow. With a splash she hit the surface and sank down below.

"Helga!" Arnold shouted as he stood up.

Reacting swiftly, Arnold dove in after her and grabbed her by the wrist as she continued sinking down. With all his might he wrestled her to the surface and swam her to shore. Arnold shook Helga but got no response from her apparently unconscious body.

"Helga! Wake up! Come on!" he pleaded, "Oh, great…"

Reluctantly, Arnold leaned towards her to deliver rescue breathing but suddenly noticed her eye opening slightly.

"Helga?" He asked.

"Uh…" Helga stumbled, then shouted, "Ew! Get away!"

Arnold rolled his eyes and groaned, "Gladly… should I just go?"

"Psh, do what you want. I don't care." Helga huffed, then turned away as Arnold walked away. As she watched him she began monologuing to herself.

"Well done Helga… another perfect chance to finally open up to Arnold and you blew it. I mean seriously, what is my deal? He was just being nice and trying to get me to be nice back and I just do what I do best… maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone… maybe I should just always be alone…"  
Helga began to shiver as she slowly dripped dry, but suddenly she felt a towel being draped over her. She turned to see Arnold dabbing her off.

"You don't have to be alone." he said.

"Arnold!" she gasped, "I… I… ugh… thanks…"  
"You're welcome." Arnold said.

Helga took a deep breath and readied herself to finally get her closely guarded secret off her chest.

"Listen, Arnold… you uh, you might be kind of right about me. I know I've said and done some mean things to you over the years but… I really don't hate you. I think you're… you know, you're okay."

"Yeah." Arnold replied, "So you told me once. And Helga? You're really okay too."

The two of them looked at one another and prepared to finally drop their guard.

"There's… there's something else I need to tell you…" Helga said softly.

"Yeah?" Arnold asked.

"It's um, well, you know, in a weird funny sort of way I maybe… well, it's- it's like this…"

"Yeah?"

"Well… the reason I'm so mean to you it's uh… well it's complicated I guess, but it's not because I hate you. It's just that you're, well… you're such a nice guy that I… I guess I see you as an easy outlet for my… um… I mean I have a lot of pent up… oh criminey why is it so hard to be honest? Ugh, I'm just gonna say it. Now's as good a time as any… Arnold?"

"Yes?"

"Arnold, I… I… I really and truly…"

"Oh, how cute." Another voice interrupted.

Arnold and Helga turned around to see a familiar, pleasant looking girl wearing an off-putting look standing before them with her hands on her hips. Behind her stood a boy looking nervous and confused.

"Summer?" Arnold said.

"Winter?" Helga said.

"Yeah, me." Summer said bitterly, "I hope you're happy, Arnold. Did you even want to be on Babewatch? You cost me my dreams. I hope it was worth it you little football headed freak."

"Oh no…" Helga hissed, "Nobody uses that one but me!"

"Me?" Arnold asked flabbergasted, "You were the one using me!"

"And word to the wise, Autumn, if you're gonna hatch an evil scheme don't go gloating about it aloud." Helga said, "It never works for super villains, and it didn't work for you."

"Whatever." Summer groaned, "You'd have gotten over it, Arnold. Clearly you'd have had this pathetic stalker girl here waiting for you."

"Hey!" Helga shouted, "I'm not stalking or waiting for nobody!"

"I thought you were a nice person Summer, but then I guess I think that about everyone." Arnold said.  
"True." Helga agreed, "You really are the perfect target for this kind of scam, football head."

"Thanks Helga…" Arnold sighed.

"Ugh. Sandy… get him." Summer said, signaling to her obedient boyfriend.

"Um, are you sure about this, Summer?" Sandy asked.

"If you want to stay my boyfriend, I want you to make him eat sand!" Summer shouted.

"Okay… sorry, kid," Sandy said as he advanced on Arnold, "Nothing personal. We all do crazy things for love…"

Sandy grabbed Arnold by his arm and raised his fist.

"Hey! Lay off!" Arnold shouted.

Helga threw herself in front of Arnold just as Sandy attempted to slug him in the face.

"Don't touch him!" she bellowed.

"Or what?" Sandy laughed.

"You really wanna find out?" Helga asked.

"Please, like he's scared of some scrawny little fifth grade girl." Summer laughed.

Sandy nodded and said, "Uh, yeah. Move aside, you little-"

Without warning, Helga slugged Sandy hard in the eye, instantly giving him a wicked shiner. Shocked and surprised he ran away whimpering in defeat.

"Sandy!" Summer screeched, "Ugh! Can you do anything right?"

"I guess not." Helga said, "You two really are a perfect match, Winter."

"It's Summer!" the girl shouted back.

"Ask me if I care…" Helga said dismissively.

"Ugh!" Summer groaned and tugged at her own hair, "Someday you're going to see me on TV and in movies and you'll look back wishing you'd have helped me, Arnold!Then you'd have something to be proud of." she then turned to Helga and hissed, "And you, I hope you enjoyed your fifteen minutes of fame, because a girl as ugly as you will never make it in show biz!"

Helga just scowled in return. Summer smirked with some satisfaction and strutted away. Helga stood with her fists clenched as Arnold looked on unsure of what to say.

"I don't know how you resisted… you know, punching her too." Arnold chuckled uncomfortably.

"Well, I tell you it wasn't easy." Helga sighed.

Arnold noticed she was on the verge of tears.

"Hey, don't listen to her. She's just a complete fake. But you? You're… real." Arnold said encouragingly.

"Hmph. Yeah. Real ugly." Helga muttered.

"That's not true, Helga…" Arnold caught himself before saying anything more, "Really."

Helga looked at him, clearly unconvinced.

"So… what were you gonna say before?" Arnold asked.

Helga turned to Arnold with a vulnerable look in her eyes.

"I um… well… Arnold?" she said softly.

"Yes?" Arnold asked.

"I… I…" she said, then looked down as a single tear ran down her face, "I'll see you later."

Without another word, Helga turned and walked away slowly with her head hanging in defeat. Arnold watched sadly, unsure of how to help her. Helga truly was an enigma, and one Arnold still couldn't wrap his head around.

"See you soon, Helga…" he sighed.


	4. Arnold's Dream

_**Part one of a few dream sequences, this one linking Arnold's subconscious feelings about Helga with his aspiration of finding his parents. Set between The Journal and TJM.**_

* * *

The rhythmic sound of a humming plane prop gently roused Arnold from bed. As he had many times now, he climbed the steps on the side of his wall and climbed out of his skylight to find an old biplane waiting for him on the roof. Ever since learning from his grandfather about the ambiguous fate of his parents, he had taken several trips in this very plane, flying off into the clouds on an endless fruitless search for them. As he had before, he soared up into the clouds until the city disappeared from sight. Soaring off into the unknown he felt strangely at peace, despite his lacking any knowledge on his quarry. He knew his devoted searches for them would likely never yield results, and yet flying towards a glimmer of hope forever on the horizon before him didn't anger or frustrate him. Normally he found himself disappearing into the clouds and finding nothing but the heavens above before his search ended. In this case however, he found himself suddenly soaring above vast acres of farmland below.

Suddenly his instruments went wild, and his plane began to lose altitude. Spiraling out of control he finally crashed into a cornfield. Miraculously, he found he hadn't been harmed and he casually climbed out of his smoldering plane.

"My search for my missing parents has brought me… here?" He remarked to himself.

As he looked around he felt a hauntingly familiar feel to his surroundings.

"The cornfields… the fresh country air…" he breathed deeply, "I know this place…"

As he spoke he could hear a crunching sound coming from the cornstalks before him, which he surmised to be footsteps drawing nearer. He turned in the direction of the sound and saw the cornstalks part, revealing not the parents he had flown off looking for, but someone else he thought he would never see again. Her familiar kind face smiled at him, and he tiptoed towards her as if afraid to scare her off.

"Hilda?" Arnold asked.

"Hey Arnold." she said casually, "Welcome back."

"Hilda! It's really you!" Arnold said as he ran towards her, "I've missed you… you disappeared so suddenly last time…" He stopped as an uncomfortable thought occurred to him, "Um, Arnie's not around is he?"

"I wish." Hilda sighed dreamily.

"It's just that last time I think he tried to… I dunno, eat me or something." Arnold shrugged.

"Oh, he wouldn't do that." Hilda shook her head, "He's far to galant to stoop to such barbarism. Such class, such style, a true diamond in the rough of this rustic little dust speck…"

Disappointment enveloped Arnold as he said, "Oh. You still like him, then?"

"Of course." Hilda affirmed, "Someday he'll realize Lulu isn't the right girl for him and notice me. Love is patient and love is kind. And whilst I wait I go out of my mind…" she let loose a familiar swooning noise Arnold had heard somewhere, but where he wasn't sure.

"I don't know about the kind part." Arnold said somewhat bitterly, "I just don't understand, Hilda. Why can't you just give me a chance? I appreciate all your best qualities; the kind of things that Arnie could never appreciate. You're just the most incredible person I've ever met. You're smart, kind, poetic, and… you're beautiful too. And it really hurts knowing you don't feel the same way about me."

"Yeah, I know." Hilda said, "Love unrequited hurts. Look at me, I spend all my time pining for Arnie to no avail. No matter what I do the boy just won't notice me…"

"Then why not give _us_ a chance?" Arnold pleaded.

"Look, Arnold. I haven't led you on." Hilda warned, "I've been upfront about this. No means no. The sad fact is we can't choose who we love. So it's time I cut you out."

"Cut me out? That's kind of harsh…" Arnold said.

"Maybe." Hilda said, "But I think you need the push."

"What? Why?" Arnold asked.

"Because Arnold, you can't stay here." Hilda said cryptically, "This isn't your world."

"It's… it's not, is it? This… this isn't real. That's why you won't accept me… because this is a dream. Because you're a dream… I remember now…"

"Apparently you didn't quite get the message last time. Don't take it personally though. Arnold, you're a great guy… but you're not for me." she said.

"I can't help it. You're literally the girl of my dreams… I dreamt of the perfect girl."

"Did you really dream me up?" she asked, "Or am I just a reflection of your reality?"

"What?" Arnold asked, "No, you're not like any girl I've ever known!"

"I'm sorry Arnold," Hilda said firmly, but not unkindly. "You're not going to find what you're looking for, dwelling on dreams…"

"What I'm looking for?" Arnold asked, "How do you know?"

As he spoke Hilda began levitating into the air as the setting sun illuminated her.

"It's your dream, buddy," she said, "I know what you know."

"So… why in a dream where I'm searching for my parents did I come across you?" Arnold asked desperately, as if coming close to some clue, "What does it mean?"

Arnold grabbed her hand and tried to pull her back to earth, but she began to fade through his grip intangibly.

"Don't dwell on dreams when you have reality. If you want to find your parents, just open your heart." she said with a smile, "Goodbye Arnold. She's waiting for you."

"Who?" Arnold cried out desperately.

"The right girl." she answered, "The one who holds the key."

"But who is she?" Arnold asked.

As she answered, Hilda's tone changed to an eerily familiar harsh sound.

"Man, you really are a football head…" she huffed.

"Huh?" Arnold thought he felt an epiphany for one brief instance, but he abruptly shouted in fear and found himself back in his own bed.

He glanced at his wall, which had begun to look like something of a war room ever since he had discovered his father's journal.

"Mom, dad…" He whispered to himself as he reflected on his dream, "Hilda…"

In his dream he had flown off looking for his parents as per usual, and he had come across Hilda. He wondered what the connection could be, if any. Arnold smiled as an intangible idea not even fully formed in his own mind tickled at his subconscious, as if trying to tell him it had already unraveled the mystery. The answer to who Hilda was felt as if it should be obvious, but also impossible. The answer to his question was there before him, and he could almost see it as if it stood just behind a veil. A strange feeling of warmth enveloped his entire being, which felt both comforting and alien to him. It was some kind of epiphany that he failed to understand, as if his heart knew something that it refused to share with his brain. Arnold smiled again, trusting what was in his heart would reveal itself when the time was right.

The End


	5. Moving Out

_**So this little one shot was born out of my curiosity for two little things in the Hey Arnold! universe. Firstly, what would it have been like for the Patakis to leave their home and move into the beeper emporium? Probably not very pretty. Secondly, that little Raggedy Anne doll sign that hung on Helga's door sparked my imagination. The sign, and her actual doll, and come to think of it pretty much everything about Helga's room seemed so uncharacteristically cutesy, innocent, and shall we say girly for such a tough little tomboy. Was it all stuff that her parents decorated the room with without really knowing their daughter? Or were her cutesy decorations indicative of who she really was beneath her tough guise? Such a complicated person…**_

* * *

The end was nigh. The Pataki household would soon no longer hold that title, and would just be an abandoned empty building up for sale. Could it all have been avoided? Probably, had the Beeper King just had enough foresight to see that cell phones, previously only owned by the elite would soon become mainstream, sure he could have saved his business and by extension his family's living situation. The man was nothing if not stubborn however, and clung to beepers as if "Beeper King" was more than a title but his entire identity. His pride had cost his family their home, and now barely a step above homeless they were moving their remaining belongings into the Beeper Emporium.

Bob's youngest daughter Helga had spent the last few days packing her most cherished belongings, and destroying and throwing out much of the embarrassing contents of her closet. For years she had used that space to build shrines to Arnold, her classmate, a victim of her bullying, but more importantly the object of her secret affections. That closet was empty now, and with it Helga felt an emptiness deepening within her very being. Today marked the end for their house, and by extension her room. Everything had been packed, and while her parents bickered on the first floor below, Helga stood in her room to survey it one last time.

Her eyes scanned her room very slowly and meticulously. She knew full well that all her belongings were packed and nothing was left. She wasn't looking for anything she had missed, rather staring at the room as if trying to take it with her. Her eyes swept across the blue walls, adorned with little yellow hearts. These four walls had been her only place of solace and peace since before she could remember. As chaos always erupted in her world around her, she always knew she could come to this place to find some sense of peace. To the outside world she was Helga G. Pataki; the dreaded school bully who no one dared to cross. Yet within these walls she was free to express her true nature as a her tender-hearted romantic; a nature that she dared not let the world know for fear such a tender heart could easily be crushed by such the cruel outside world. Without her place of safety, where now could the real Helga exist? Was there even still room in the world for the shy, sensitive poet who dwelt within the skin of this beast?

The space looked so much bigger now, without her bed, desk and wardrobe to fill the space. It wasn't a room she was leaving behind, no, this was her childhood. Helga had always felt her childhood was fleeting before her eyes but now it was being abruptly ripped away. Growing up under the hard thumb of Big Bob, living with her mother's constant smoothie-induced daze, and forever dwelling in the shadow of her perfect older sister hadn't allowed her a normal childhood, yet her room had always exuded an air of innocence that provided her with temporary comfort. With a long beleaguered sigh, she turned to leave the room one last time when something caught her eye; her one stray belonging still hanging on the inside of her bedroom door. Her door had been open for a while now, and the hanging object had been obscured from view against the wall. Staring at her was a paper rag doll holding in its little hands a sign bearing two words as if to mock her.

"'Helga's Room.'" She read bitterly from the sign, "How could I forget _you_…"

Walking over to the door she unhooked the sign from the door and looked at it. This was the first time since kindergarten she had taken it off the door, much less even given the thing any thought. It had always been there, smiling at her yet she rarely thought twice about it. Just like the space itself she had taken it for granted. Placing herself in the two dimensional doll's shoes she suddenly felt a strange feeling of sympathy with it. Just like Helga, this was the only home the inanimate object had ever known.

"Helga's room…" she repeated with a sigh, "Kind of a misnomer now, isn't it? Or maybe it always was. I guess it never really was my room to begin with… I just occupied space here. All it took was a little less moola from dad for it all to just be taken away. Either way, what good are you now? Your sole purpose was to proclaim to the world that this was my room… now your whole life is a lie."

She sighed again and let her mind wander. Reliving the last year in her mind, she couldn't help but notice it had been a series of increasingly worse disasters. Apart from Big Bob's Beepers steadily declining with the advent of cell phones, Helga's one beacon of hope in life had grown fainter and fainter. After finally gaining the courage to confess her long secreted away feelings for Arnold, the two of them somehow decided that her words and subsequent actions were simply a product of the 'heat of the moment' and not genuine. And that had been the end of it. They simply left it at that and the animosity between them had grown from annoying to unbearably palpable since then. She had told him her true feelings, yet somehow it was as if nothing ever happened between them. Now she would likely never know how Arnold really felt, though the answer seemed painfully obvious. Still she soldiered on, watching her already bitter and irritable father devolve into an endlessly raging volcano, and her mother turn more scatterbrained and subdued than ever. As her parents constantly fought, Helga could only watch, listen, and wonder how much simpler and easier their lives could have been had she never darkened things with her presence. In her dawning adolescent years Helga's thoughts had gone to darker places than ever before, though she never considered hurting herself. No, she would have to keep living to punish her loathsome parents with her existence. Not that they had ever minded her one way or the other, but now they had much worse matters to deal with as Big Bob's income steadily declined. Then finally a week ago it happened, Big Bob couldn't make the mortgage and the bank foreclosed on their house. The Patakis, once comfortably upper middle class and a pillar of the community had fallen to a low none of them had ever prepared for. Bob's eloquent solution was to move the entire family into the beeper emporium. Helga was young and didn't know for sure but that idea didn't sound entirely legal, but what could she do about it? It made sense really, since it would always be just their family as the place was certainly devoid of customers. Somehow that awful place would have to be her home now.

As her mind drifted back to the present, Helga's brow furrowed. This was wrong. By no will of her own Helga now had to abandon her house; the place she had grown up. Her home life had never been ideal, far from it, but at least within her room she had a place to work through all her twisted girlhood feelings for her football headed beloved, or whatever other trials life sought to torment her with. Her one place of solace where she felt truly safe was being taken from her, leaving her unmoored and lost. Fresh anger overtook her as she glared at the paper doll in her hands, as it mocked her with its false words and big smile.

Slowly her grip tightened around it and she growled through gritted teeth. An unbearable combination of fury and misery enveloped her, and in her rage she held one end of the delicate sign and acting on a hateful impulse she ripped it in half, severing the words 'Helga's' and 'Room' from one another and essentially decapitating the poor paper doll. Furiously she crumpled the little face in her hands before throwing both pieces to the floor and proceeded to stomp them into the ground under her foot as sudden tears bursted from her eyes and flowed down her strained face.

"It's not fair!" she cried out. "It's… not fair…"

Reeling, Helga succumbed to her bottled up despair and fell to her knees. Looking up at the ceiling she thought back to the hundreds of times she had laid on her back in bed at night looking at the ceiling, never once thinking a day would come when she would never see it again. She sputtered and choked back on her sobs, then looked at the destroyed sign that had once proudly announced to the world that this had been her room. Torn in half, crumpled, and further damaged by her foot, the little doll looked up at her. Its crumpled face tried to keep smiling as it always had, but it no longer could and now looked hurt and betrayed.

"Helga?" a familiar voice from outside the door came. Helga didn't answer. "Helga, sweetie? It's, it's time to go…" the slurred voice of Miriam came again as she poked her head through the door. Looking down at her daughter even Miriam, not the most observant parent could see how distraught her little girl felt.

"Oh, honey, are you saying goodbye to your room? I know it's hard but…" Miriam trailed off as she noticed the torn decoration, "Wha- what happened to your cute little room sign?"

Helga looked up at her mother with blank eyes and grumbled, "I ripped it apart."

"Oh, honey why would you do that? You made that yourself…"

"So nice of you to remember, Miriam. But it's just a worthless relic of an age gone by. This isn't my room anymore. This thing has no use any more."

"Oh but honey, you'll… you'll have a room at our new place. You could have put it there…" Miriam tried to reassure her, sounding very unconfident.

"A room… what do I get? The break room or the janitor's closet?" Helga asked pointedly. "Or if I'm really lucky maybe the conference room. I mean, seriously. This is what's happening? How are we just letting this happen?"

Miriam had no response and could only look at her daughter helplessly. A thunderous brash voice from downstairs broke the silence.

"Miriam! C'mon! Get the girl and let's get moving! We're supposed to be out by noon!"

"We're coming, B!" Miriam shouted down the stairs to her husband. She stood up and walked to the doorway. Pausing, she looked back at her daughter, "It's time, Helga."

Miriam left the room without another word. She hadn't exactly consoled Helga, even if her heart had been in the right place she still wasn't terribly good at mothering. As she considered her mother's inadequacy, Helga looked down at her destroyed door sign and suddenly felt a rush of emotion. Helga had done many things in her life that had made her feel like some kind of monster, yet somehow this little tantrum that hadn't even hurt a real person had somehow given her a crisis of conscience. Sure, the doll wasn't alive, but it was an innocent little symbol of her childhood. She had crafted it herself, and in some way that made it her child, and as such she had failed her child just as Miriam had failed her. Delicately, she picked up the two pieces and gently tried to smoothen out the dolls face, as she looked at it apologetically.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered to its unhearing ears, not caring that she was talking to a lifeless object. If it had been lifeless before, it was almost certainly dead now. What had she done? It had done nothing wrong. It had only done what it always did; smile warmly at her and remind her that this room was hers. It had lived on her door for a long time and if anything was like an old friend. And just like any of her friends who ever tried to comfort her, Helga only lashed out and hurt it in return. Clutching it to her chest she sniffled as more tears flowed down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry…" she repeated. "All I ever do is cause pain. You didn't do anything to me. You just sit there all the time smiling at me. It's like you're there for me when no one else is… in fact you remind me of a friend of mine… she's always been there for me and I'm not always so nice to her in return. Oh don't give me that look! I don't try to be mean I'm just sort of afraid that if people saw the way you've seen me they'd… you know, do what I did to you… but you didn't deserve that. You just want to be loved like anyone else, right? Criminey, I'm talking to a piece of paper…"

Looking down again at her torn door sign she felt a strange sense of renewed hope; a faint hope to be sure but it would do for now. She cradled the sign as if it were a child and smiled at it.

"You're coming with me. I'll… I'll fix you. We'll face whatever comes together."

The End

* * *

_**Rhonda went broke once. I figure the Patakis would bounce back but... despite it being played for comedy in the movie, their family being close to financial ruin is pretty bleak.**_


End file.
